To be ‘the drama’

I felt embarrassed to be me

To show love of, or connect with,

something

Like rocking out, now ‘dancing it

out’, in my bedroom

Would have been that strange

creature that makes people

smile

But, nobody helps to untie her

To welcome her being free

As a teenager, I might

have giggled publicly if words, deeply,

meant something to me

Yet, was a soppy, ‘over’ thinker

dripping in poetic, and lyrical, energy

Wouldn’t have taken loving poetry

as genuine

Just as a line to get laid

Knew where the lines were, tainted

with conformity

The, me, obsessed with song lyrics

and meaning

The twisty that was never seen

(the pages different, and the same)

Do people (like me) really exist?

Do people really stay?

Am I welcome in this world?

Says the one always expecting

to be played

Dancing like no one’s watching

The wish for everyone alive

Whether it be internally

Or whether your arms are waving

While the beige stare at you

Wanting to say:

‘We wanted to subdue her, we tried’

When I see a young person dancing

A child being ‘extra’ (some would say)

I couldn’t be more proud

Go you, you beautiful soul,

As you, you thrive

You should never be anything

other than you

Can’t unwind the hands of

the clock

(strokes, and torment, of time)

But, the world changes

and reshapes, I hope, one day

supporting your struggles

Your magnificence

I live within hope, for the gift

and space, the you that’s

yours, *celebrated (and not mine)

Magic shapes your forevers

Mind and body testing you, the everyday

feels like a vertical climb

Wrapped, in moments, with the sanctity of precious moments living on, within nows and the presents

Moving onward

Creating art and

deconstructing

You are

so worthy

and beyond time

Nothing gives me more joy,

and sadness,

Than longing for time to

be our friend

Almost undo’s the blue

But, hurts all my maybes

And the empty pages

Heart strings weaponised as

foreboding, when they were thoughtful

Like messages, discarded

Ripped up, in confusion, anyway

Never sent

There was no freedom

I let myself go

A coiled spring

Released, but yet, completely,

tied

The fact I can’t sit still

and be present

without writing these words

And that the future for

those way more incredible

than me

And building towards, one day, it being me

When the hearts of others

(connection, so me, too)

are what it takes to survive

..

*not because you feel you have to

the listy ‘too long’ bits, spoken word-style poetry, Tara

---

As if, I had to be ‘Sold’

My USP

I used to give the caveat

That ‘I know I’m difficult’

One, that we are all, so, pained to know

The caveat has to exist

If I apologise, before they point it out

and, then, they create all sorts of

force-field moments

Magnets for people,

who were unlike me

That dragged my wretchedness

down

So I couldn’t allow her to scream

Shut down watery eyes, instantly

The facade continues

As I’m overloaded with separated,

low

My spine goes for

walkies

I resist

As they head off to their homes

I try to snap into their wish

But, edges of curves, harsh ridges

and internal, nasty, tone

I’m ‘less’

I wasn’t created for me -

I walk alone

Everything I knew back then

Had a ‘version’

What did they want?

What could I never be?

Myself as a witness, that

Blew me over

Destroyed my psyche

with one dip

The secret I wasn’t privy to

Just the understanding

But, there are voices that need nothing

To help me lift

I wasn’t in on any twist

These hearts hope for

an eternity in which pain

can, forever, shift

The burden of heavy weightlessness

So numb I had to put on a shopping channel routine

My demeanour was desperate

You weren’t

Now, I found my team

Hands reaching for me

This made me think of you

Wanting the best

I’m no campaign

I never had to be ‘Sold’

Elevate my obscurity

through profound sadness

and worthlessness

Skin itching out of this home

But, soft feet

and squishy, lovey, minds

Don’t need razors

for walking over all that dead weight

You read, gentle

And me, exactly as I am

is how you frame

My skin flakes wouldn’t bother

Don’t need to shake and stir me

You see me after the strainer

And I’m only a fabulous cocktail

name!