Storm chaser
I’m proud I can do that
The people who’ve been traumatised and close their eyes at the back of the boat.
Feet down
Surfaces around
Calm thoughts
Intense waves slam down
The women who’ve been traumatised
sit on the back row indoors
Head against a wall surface
Wanting to be ignored
Don’t say anything
Don’t make a fuss
Deal with it internally
I’m not here
We aren’t this moment
Chaotic serenity playing jokes
It’s another secret
The world is the water
We aren’t us
We know that game-playing
Just quiet
Play buoyant
The life belt they can trust
Feeding, offering to the enemy
None of this is an us
Gives you a strength
A story
Maybe you relate?
If you’re in your body
You’re empty
The words spew out
Internalised gnawing
Chewing at the so-called peace
The rumble that aggravates
If we have these long moments left
Shapeshifters, invasive, at the test
You’re used to uncertainty
Voices of hurt
Washed over with doubt
Buckets of sieving land
Stability questions what
a secure versus choppy con would be about
What is my liability?
Signature never written
Yet etched in with every drop
You can never win
and I can never stop
Have you lived the downside?
Now, you found the strength
And somehow you have to learn
that setting coping skills down
They’ve been both bad and good
With the cost of all island time
You couldn’t win
You didn’t destroy the places you went
I don’t even want to package travel
up in terms of bad or good
A zone out that was needed
Detrimental in the long run
The engine powered through
Whirring, silently, as it should
As you cried internally
Stopping you from being fully reached
A float rescuing others
Walking through storms in nature’s sleep
They are equally misunderstood
Your pain is oceans deep
Sick to my stomach
Airy
In my stomach I regress
The pain of that is greater than the pain of this is me
So, could I embrace the light moments I have left?
The trauma survivor sits in the cabin
Feeling very zen
See they’ve been through this before
They know moments expanding
and moments that feed them
And, again, that moments will end
Storms turning into nothing
Going into my head
But the everyday moments in birthdays
A Vengeful monotony
Like books I can’t remember, but once read
All at once
An empty
Space
It’s Zero gravity quiet air
The quiet waft of confidence is
interesting
For a body that’s not there
The men with sick bags and smiles
The men who we were forced to
create the narrative for
While this story was going on
A bigger picture underneath it all
The message settled into us
We aren’t lying on the floor
We have survived this
We can move through pain
Smugness inside me
When tears, daily, well inside
But we can beat the storms on the boat
Peel back those tentacled monsters
The monsters labelled as shame
The sea urchin fires up
A literal burning moment
A phrase, a walk, a smell
Feels like you are back in the mist
because nothingness raised you
And, nothingness raised you well
Temporary shut-down inside
Memories want to both masquerade
and ride the ferry that rocked your mind
Suffocated as they re-generate
Dislikes and instinct’s intoxication
A crossword puzzle of unkind
I don’t like this and ask the question Why?
Moments of quiet reflection
Discombobulated triumph and sadness
As the truth dawns
Smashes the boat up
and tumbles down your sky
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