Trauma lyrics
Music has always felt like poetry to me and I’ve been thinking about which songs I’m drawn to lyrically, as I feel such an instinctive connection. These songs may have been written about a different subject than I have linked it with mentally and some powerful lyrics can be abstract and non – specific, so open to interpretation.
As a younger person, I was always quite analytical and loved songs that I felt an emotional pull towards. Some in more positive and some more negative ways, but music to me was beautiful (incredible, moving, raw) and the lyrics were a huge part of that. I loved lyrics that were vulnerable and tracks about bravery and inner strength. Perhaps, I was intense. Or maybe everybody feels this to an extent, but music still soothes me and I love poignant and emotional lyrics. Ones that I can relate to on some level.
These stay stuck on my soul. I’m good at remembering ‘personal’ lyrics. Someone putting a voice to an aspect of me and that is part of what makes music so magical and meaningful.
In the last year or so my lyrics have been:
It’s hard to be at a party
When I feel like an open wound
Taylor Swift This is Me Trying
I adore the album ‘Folklore’ and lyrics, such as, ‘I got wasted like all my potential’ (Taylor Swift) are just beautifully written. I connect with feeling raw, exposed and vulnerable in a social situation and wanting to retreat, as I don’t connect with people there on that level.
You could say that I overthink or that I give everything too much meaning, but I automatically listen to art (music) and if there’s a lyric I am not sure of or I’m intrigued by, I search for it online. Not with every song, but with tracks I feel are personal lyrically (and tracks where I love a verse, but can’t be sure of what is being said in the next one!) I’m not reflecting on these for hours - There are split second thoughts that I am now dissecting!
Use my best colours for your portrait
Lay the table with the fancy shit
And watch you tolerate it
Taylor Swift Tolerate It
I think part of me, however hidden, will always feel like that child in certain situations. Seeking approval and feeling I’m being ‘put up with’.
Cut myself up into pieces easy to chew
Tessa Violet Words Ain’t Enough
I have always been quite feisty and do refuse to do this more recently, but in the past I have felt that I’ve needed to make myself smaller and ‘less of a problem’. This represents feeling like you are not enough. You need to make yourself more palatable and others more comfortable.
I kept my tears inside ‘cause I knew if I started
I’d keep crying for the rest of my life..
Still live with the side effects
Mariah Carey (feat. Young Jeezy) Side Effects
Fears of overflowing emotion if I didn’t ‘control’ it. Keeping feelings inside and being afraid of opening up (or not knowing where to start).
Talking to someone trustworthy would have been a great thing.
Living with after effects of relational trauma is exhausting – trust and boundary issues are painful.
Even though my circumstances were nothing like what I believe Mariah Carey is opening up about, for example, I feel all these songs beautifully articulate some feelings a million times better than I could.
And you’ll poke that bear ‘til her claws come out
Taylor Swift Mad Woman
Having experienced feeling that someone wants a reaction to point to and say ‘look at her, isn’t she awful?’ I can relate. Waiting for when I would respond.
This is shaming and painful. (Regretting that reaction in a shame spiral.)
Let the words fall out. I wanna see you be brave
Sara Bareilles Brave
I am who I’m meant to be. This is Me.
Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble This is Me
Image credits: Canva
I have named the recording artists here to identify the track. Many tracks have multiple writers, alongside the performers.
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