Remembering

From the plane - Tara star poetry

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Make it easy for you to leave..

The wisdom I never had leaves me

I softly allow you to go

Gentle and giving was my moment

Dying inside, I am losing something

of which I’ll never, truly, let go

I’ll take your hand

You giving up,

is my present

and everyday, slowly, in

my mind

You walk away

Wait till you’ve gone to cry

I’ll define

and redefine

What did I ever mean to you?

Maybe this is what love is

Not wanting

and doing the right

thing by the other person

Cos they walk

away

and it’s always fine (kind)

Waiting for it to end

Just waiting for the moment

you realise

I’ll gently open the door

I’m ok, and that’s the proof

I know how to give up respectfully

The dreams I never wanted

They disappeared

and beyond the darkness

they grew

They rolled over in muddy boot marks

Respectfully and kindly,

The second hand

the enigma

The steel shoes

that you shook

the weird off, to

I’m drowning

I don’t know how to describe it

but I can’t explain it

I’m living

and I’m okay

I do things, live life

and that’s the proof

What if I say it’s how I’ve always felt

Bolder lodged on top of my chest

Invisible,

So, not real

It’s redundant

Originally it was just

resting

but some of the

demons took a screw

For those that wanted to help

I am a heaviness

consistently pushing on me

Violent tides reach and swell

You’ll see it eventually

and, selfishly, I want to delay

Want to believe, but this

game we are playing,

I can’t believe in it

and it mocks me

Isolated, on conveyor belt

Occasionally I went to the

supermarket

and when I left

all they felt was relief

I look at you

and your eyes that will

soon - be disappointment

Knowing I will lose this

And, with dignity, we all

save face

Everybody knows what’s

happening here

It’s not just self abandonment

and I’m ok with it all

Because we can pretend

nothing happened

and all of it is gone

and erased

You are full of real,

and I, empty

There’s no forgiveness to be had

I want never

to be a vulture

but waiting out losing my appeal

Ripping me open

Because I feel like a baby

Twisted, to be made, into bad

The chest weight crushes

and the bed breaks

I see the joy

of lambs skipping in a field

I tried to be real

and something they never had

Sometimes in life, there are

people that aren’t worth it

I tell them, like a lesson

A sadness that we all must

reach

Absentmindedly, I believed for

a second

Overwhelmed with sea spray

I gave you permission

to give up

when I leaked

There were pebbles

everywhere

Me = quicksand

You = regular, beach

I could never suck up

anyone

Who just wanted a pier

walk

and it was ‘fine’

because you’ll always be

important to me

and it’s ok to say goodbye

..

Tara star poetry

poem journal