Sunshine and showers
Versus the me, truths
Inscribed on me
When you told me you knew
Angry overwhelms after hurt months
As I try to portray myself to you
I feel like that little child
Made to feel she was ‘bad’
Wanting, so badly, to express
that my feelings were true
I wonder why I have to try so hard
at life
There are multiple reasons
and no reason, for that
and circumstances
Not you, not finger - pointing
You aren’t the reason why
After weeks of exhausted contemplation
Scattered thoughts
That lead to moments
moving forward, lows and highs
If there was a pie chart
There are many slices
I gotta question my diet
and I ate regurgitated pie
I was never told
Go ahead, express yourself
And it was a different time
I wish I’d not been categorised
as the conniving one
When I felt truth
and my essence
A sense of awareness
and abandonment of awareness
I felt so far behind
Avoidant and longing for attachment
Looking in places that saw me fall
It was younger me that felt so scared
and protective
Though it seems like adult me
who built the wall
Hard to trust - but hopeful
Hard to know - but really care
Not believing that help is genuine
and not feeling deserving
of any togetherness
The limited moments
The first editions
It takes me so long to value
you
Although I value you from the first moment
But not enough to open up
Truly be present, and be there
And when it cuts me
With my own purpose
I heat myself up with usefulness
I tick boxes that
warm me,
and grief,
My only purpose that I share
For what I can’t be for me
and can’t have
swarms me
But such empathy
as you share
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